What a hungry, hungry Hippo am I.

It's almost 9pm on a Saturday night and I am starving. Nothing my boyfriend suggests I eat sounds appetizing and I really want a fucking cheeseburger, but no. If I eat that, I'll be guaranteed to have an attack. I do not want to have an attack.

I'm so sick of being in pain and going to the emergency room - having them draw blood, give me a useless IV and another Percocet script.. no thank you.

I have no insurance and my gallbladder absolutely needs to be removed, but how am I going to pay for that? I just moved to Virginia from Tennessee about 5 days ago and I have no job currently.

I'm in a terrible mood at the moment. I may resort to using this blog to post my frustrations.

The smell of pizza is absolutely tantalizing, I must say. I wish I could eat it without fear of waking up at midnight with the feeling of some half-ton man standing on my spine and crushing my ribs at the same time.

I started smoking when I was 17. It went from one cigarette a night to about a pack and a half a day up until two months ago - where it went down to about 5-7 a day with the help of my darling boyfriend.

I started having the attacks when I was 20 years old. One attack maybe every month.. then every two months, to almost zero for about 8 months.

Recently it started happening every night just about. I have no trigger. Anything can set it off. I wish I didn't have this problem.

I was never a big fast food eater and now that I can't eat it at all, it's all I want. I sound petty, I know. I can't really help it. I'm just really frustrated at this upheaval to my life. It seriously pisses me off.

I've been on a diet of noodles - which don't bother me at all - to rice - which does seem to bother me, it seems - and I can eat chicken tenders, but not too many or oh fuck, here comes an attack! That's pretty much how it happens to me.

I'll eat something I like, be fine for a while; try to sleep and bam! I wake up in excruciating pain, and it feels like my muscles are trying to break my bones. Nothing helps it at all. The first time I went to the ER was the night of my boyfriend's 22nd birthday. They prescribed lortabs, (which helped for a couple of days) then I had to go back a couple of weeks later (about three days ago) and they gave me percocets, which is working, but I just wanna pig out on something that tastes good.

I had a salad last night, but I really don't want to be reduced to that until I get this shit taken care of, you know? It sucks. I dunno. I don't think I'm describing this right at all. I feel like I'm explaining something wrong.

I just really hope someone can help me out. Maybe help me figure out something I could eat that wouldn't trigger an attack. It seems like even the most mundane of foods sets it off. Ugh. I'm just really angry right now.